I was talking to a friend about relationships the other day and how we really feel about the other person when we part. Her and I are opposite in a lot of ways, she has a vengeful approach (to life in general) and my motto is c’est la vie.
She was saying she saw her ex on the street one day and how she was mad at how well put together and great he looked. It made me wonder why we would want to be selfish enough as people to wish horrible things on peoples lives just because our situation didn’t work. Of course there are always circumstances where a person has hurt you so much its sometimes hard not to harbor feelings, but in general what did he or she do that was THAT wrong that you wish he looked raggedy and lost a tooth or something between your breakup and now. Especially if yall broke up in the 11th grade because he was just being a typical teen aged dude.
This really came to play because I was looking at the website of a guy I used to date. Looking at it I was really proud because he had met some major goals, was featured in a national newspaper and on TV and had his ish together. I was showing my friend and she asked if it made me mad. Heck no. I’m proud he accomplished it. Especially since when we were together I didn’t see the whole scope of his dream and how he could even bring it to light. I told her I emailed him and she thought I was crazy. It wasn’t some long passionate soliloquy just a simple I ran across your site… looks like you are doing some great things I’m really proud of you. Nothing more nothing less.
I remember a little over a year ago I received an email from an ex that did me dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty. I wasn’t even going to open it when I saw his name in my from box. But I did and I was happy. He said he saw me one week in a lounge and was going to speak but he thought I’d hit him (lol). Then he went to an event and saw that I was speaking on a panel and was afraid I’d hit him again as well. But he wanted to let me know he was proud of my successes especially since he was a distraction and put me through hell while I was trying to attain my education. He figured I still hated him but he wanted to let me know he was glad I was well and my drive made him work harder.
This dude… man when I say I disliked him when we parted. I totally mean it. But in spite of it I was still really happy that he found success (because for a while I wished some mean stuff on him). But the thing is I can’t be mad at him or anyone else from my past. They helped me evolve into the outstanding woman I am today. Did I feel that way right when we broke up, no, but I’ve grown up. It’s no need for me to be all spiritually and emotionally congested wishing bad things on people.
