memo please

{ May 18, 2009 @ 12:23 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I think a memo was sent out at some point this month. Hey if you ever dated Christen give her a call- she won’t mind. If you can’t call- text, email or IM her.

That seems to be the pattern. Maybe I’m too nice and I entertain people far past the allowed limit and so they feel the door is always open to return. I try to be nice (77% of the time) and remain cordial and and so on. But perhaps I have to stop the give everyone a fair shot to explain themselves approach and just say forget it. Perhaps I need to look out for me and then compare the consideration they had towards me to what I return to them. It’s funny I say all that and still really can’t shut folks down.

I went on HELL date with someone a few weeks ago. When I say HELL date I mean HELL date. He’s one of those people that could have been my friend forever but once he decided that he liked me that destroyed the friendship element as well. He embarassed me horribly when we went out being loud and rambunctious and so on and I got so frustrated that if I was fool enough to fight I would have kicked his ass on the spot. So after the date he texts me and says “thanks for putting up with me today” so wait- you KNOW that you are a nut. Even worst. Then like two days later he thinks that everything is AOK and we can go back to normal. Where I am sitting there like I don’t ever want to see this dude again. All that to say I NEEDED to shut him down, tell him how he sucks and hand him the 20 bullets to go with it on why. But I coldn’t. Because I knew it would hurt his feelings. That date solidified why he was single and probably will be a long time unless he meets a woman that really will put him in check. I can’t be it. I don’t wanna be the fixer upper.

Then someone else randomly emailed me out the blue that I dated 8 years ago. Wanting to know if I’d consider dating him again. I’ve changed alot in a year so hell eight years ago- out of the questions. Like I don’t even know you. You saw me on facebook got turned on that I got a few degrees and now we should be together. Come on. I was 19 years old. Aint nothing about me the same except my name.

People always say women don’t let go but I think it goes both ways. Guys grow too realize what they had/let go/why they got let go etc. and think hey let me go back and pick up where I left off. What they fail to realize is my life has continued to go on as well. Stuff I thought I wanted, I don’t, stuff I thought I didn’t need is now essential. I grew and continue to grow.

I do wish I got a warning or something before these memo’s go out. At least I’d be prepared lol

without a trace

{ May 17, 2009 @ 12:33 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I’ve been horrible in updating this blog. mainly because I have one that is kind of private and for personal development and I’ve been dedicating a lot of time on there to work on me. These next few weeks are HECTIC. I have a bridesmaid fitting, a wedding I’m in, 100 wedding invitations to make, throwing a bridal shower, getitng ready for travel to arizona, and planning a retreat to georgia for a group. As you can see little to no free time. I’ll post a few things periodically. Even if just pictures so that I can keep this thang going. Because I have been horrible posting on the public side (my personal blog is where it’s at lol) but yeah. I’ll do better.

Christen

m.i.a.

{ March 23, 2009 @ 11:03 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I’ve really been slacking in updating on here. I’ve just been kind of busy. Trying to figure out life and that’s a rather complex subject to take on. Lots of random occurances have happened in the past few months. Random people from the past trying to enter my life- both succesfully and unsuccesfully, people confessing their love lol, growing pangs, doing freelance stuff in a totally random field from what I do, learning lessons, buying ridiculously expensive shoes on sale and feling great about it lol and the list goes on.

I’m going to try to do better though and update more frequently. There are some things on my mind

another lazy sunday…

{ January 11, 2009 @ 1:11 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I haven’t written in a few days. But work has been WHIPPING my tail the past days. I had a big project to work on and lots of elements were dependent on other people, so needless to say I spent my day off Friday at work. But the bright side is that I have Monday off instead. Today is going to be another lazy Sunday I actually didnt have to sing so I slept in and just had food (avocado smashed up with cayenne, salt and pepper and balsamic vinegar with some toast). Now I’m watching football trying to pry myself off the couch so I can go to the market I saw some really good vegetarian recipes on the kitchn and wanted to pick up some things to try it them out. I’m having a completely lazy day though.  Lazy like sweatpants and a wifebeater and a sloppy ponytail. If I could go to the grocery store like this I would. But you never know who you’ll run into in the store. Anyway I’m being commissioned to cook dinner. So let me start doing that

Have a fabulous Sunday!

why do you go…

{ January 6, 2009 @ 8:32 pm } · { My Walk }
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I was talking to a friend today on IM and he threw me off guard with the question he asked me.

why do you go to church?

the question isn’t really crazy but it had nothing to do with the conversation we were having. So I asked why he asked that

i’m just asking all my church going friends.
i wanna know why people go
why they felt it was time to make a change
and what it means to them

I had to pause for a second but then the answer came really easy to me

lets see where do I start
I guess for me the Why is really a why not… for me it’s a time to publicly declare my love for God, it’s a time to see friends, it’s a time to worship, it’s a time seek and build a relationship with God around other people and through other people, it’s an opportunity to be taught a lesson and receive a word, for me it’s definitely a time to minister to others through music
thats just the beginning of why
As far as making a change church isn’t something new to me
it’s been a part of my life as long as I’ve had life
there have been times when I slacked off but that was because I was growing and I knew in the overall scheme of things that I needed to be in a church I was just in places where I wasnt at the church right for me
once I found one that spiritually fed me the way I needed to be fed and where I could be me the way I am 24 hours a day and not have to put on shows that’s where I really felt free and where I was able to grow as a Christian
Church for me isn’t a ritual or something I do out of obligation for me it’s a huge part of my life
it’s a place where I’ve met some of my best friends, where I’ve matured and grown as a woman, where I’ve learned some valuable life lessons, where I’ve discovered myself and where I can be me and it’s okay
so that’s my brief answer

It took him a minute to respond and then he said

some of my other friends couldn’t really express themselves as well as you just did
i mean, i know they love the Lord and church, they just had a hard time telling me why

We then went into a conversation about our purpose in life and finding what fulfills you. This was a question I sooo wasn’t expecting and in most circumstances probably may have been thrown off by, but I realize where I’m at a point in my life where that answer just came easy. I’m growing up.

semi lazy saturday

{ January 4, 2009 @ 12:33 am } · { Explosion of Thoughts, Gastronomy, My Life }
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Today has been a pretty semi lazy and relaxing Saturday. I woke up early (for a Saturday) since the Com.cast guy had to come by. After he left I went to a funeral for my friends grandmother and was supposed to take my nephew shopping but being that he is a teenager he got in some sort of trouble with his dad so he couldn’t go today. Since I didnt really know what I was going to do I went to grab some lunch since I somehow missed eating breakfast and all the food at the funeral repast had meat in it.

I went to Balducci’s which just reminds me of NY as soon as I walk in. I knew I wanted some of their white macaroni and cheese and sauteed veggies from the hot bar and then they had one of my favorite soups out. Matzo Ball! So I had to get some of that (I’ll just pretend the stock wasn’t chicken lol). That soup reminds me so much of undergrad. Because I went to school in NY and alot of our benefactors and student population were Jewish we’d have certain foods in the caf around rosh.hashana, passover etc and this soup was one of them. I got some instant soup a few weeks ago and it was the worst thing I ever tasted so this made up for it in so many ways. I also got the signature NY black and white cookies. Because I wanted water and not juice I picked up something called owater, I’d never seen it before and it was pretty good as well came in a lot of flavors. I also grabbed a few items in the store (like polenta and pickled okra) and left out.

I was supposed to go shopping at one of my favorite asian markets but I felt soooo tired and even though I was like 3 exits I drove home.

When I got home I walked in and immediately heated water for tea, put on yoga pants and a fleece, cut on my heater, made my tea, grabbed a blanket, got my macbook, grabbed my net.flix movies and made my way to the couch. I made it through one movie/documentary “Boys of Baraka” which was excellent. The rest of the evening my tv watched me as I got in some much needed rest.

Now it’s time for me to get even more rest. Have to be up at 6 so I can sing.

Creating an excellent me

{ January 3, 2009 @ 12:33 am } · { Literary Life, My Life, My Walk }
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Today has been a really interesting day. My coworker and I were discussing one of our biggest issues in life and how it is giving so much to others that we tend to forget about ourselves. We decided that this year would be the year that we really focused on ourselves and what we could do to “create an excellent me.”

What is really funny is that this is something I’ve been majorly struggling with. I do alot for myself but I felt it was kind of selfish to start to add more shine to my life. But I realized hey if I don’t do it who really will. We were also discussing letting go of people and things that aren’t enhancing our lives. This is also something I have been really thinking about that has been weighing heavy on my heart for months.  She mentioned a passage that her pastor read that came from Luke chapter 9

Jesus called together his twelve apostles and gave them complete power over all demons and diseases. 2Then he sent them to tell about God’s kingdom and to heal the sick. 3He told them, “Don’t take anything with you! Don’t take a walking stick or a traveling bag or food or money or even a change of clothes. 4When you are welcomed into a home, stay there until you leave that town. 5If people won’t welcome you, leave the town and shake the dust from your feet [a] as a warning to them.” 6The apostles left and went from village to village, telling the good news and healing people everywhere.

It was nothing but God that I read that. It’s written right there to essentially go out with no baggage and take a journey. If people welcome you stay there if not brush the dirt off and keep moving to the next thing. That was my mini aha moment where I realized with some people it’s time for me to go ahead and move to the next town. Leave them in 08 and get up and leave for 09. The funny thing she mentioned that her pastor said was if the people you are leaving behind are smart and good for you they will get their stuff and come to the next town with you. Otherwise leave it behind. It’s funny that in my planner I have different things for each month that I want to do to enhance my life. For January it said rid myself of anything that isn’t making a positive impact on my life. That conversation and scripture was such a confirmation.

Throughout the day various things happened that seemed to test me and my new attitude is to really go with the flow until I can find a solution to make things better. When I left work I decided to go to the bookstore to see if I saw anything I liked and I came across a few books that were really excellent that I ended up buying. One book I sat and took notes from (shhh don’t tell). I randomly came across it but it was the book I was looking for it’s called The List: 100 Ways to Shake Up Your Life. It’s essentially various things that push readers to do something they’ve always dreamed of or to do something they’ve never dared consider and it gives stories of women that have done them. Some things I’m just not going to do (like sleep with some random or get plastic surgery lol) but other things are stuff that I want to do but wouldnt have popped in my mind like taking a class to learn how to sail or spending 24 hours in bed or even shooting a gun.

Also read a little book called The Traveler. It was really short and maybe 50 pages if that but it was a great story that showed how one can seek perfection and miss all the great things that happen in life all around you.

I also picked up a few other books so my reading for the next few weeks should be great. Going in the bookstore which was totally unplanned really helped solidify some things for me. I was supposed to go to a happy hour but instead spent an evening writing and processing and reading things to simply put create an excellent me this year.

Happy New Year!!!!

{ January 1, 2009 @ 2:35 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I hope everyone entered the New Year fabulously. Whether at home, out with friends, at church, or even sleeping (because hey you woke up this morning so that’s fabulous).

I Started off the year the way I should have been doing before
Having fun
One of my good buddies and I decided we weren’t going to get caught in the trap of going to someone from church’s house last night to sit around and look at the same people we see every week (not that I don’t LOVE them) and ring in the new year
It’s a rare occasion we don’t have to sing and that we didn’t have service and we decided to just have fun.
We went to a party that was just really amazing because it was so socially diverse we met random people that were our friends at the end of the night and we just had fun dancing, laughing and slightly “partaking” lol

I realize I tend to give so much of my self to others that I never find those moments to really enjoy me and do what I do that I love.

I’m also learning that saying no isn’t always a bad thing. The only people I struggle with saying that to are my niece and nephews but they know their boundaries better then most adults I know .

I feel like I asked God to reveal things to me. He may not always show me in the manner I like but he’s showing me. I asked him to teach me how to be a better person in relationships and he put me in one with someone that sucked so I learned what I wanted and didn’t want real quick. I asked him to reveal who should and shouldn’t be in my life and some peoples light has gotten brighter and others dimmed. In just the past weeks I asked God to reveal what should I be doing in life and in a matter of a month I got elected to a board as leader of volunteer recruitment and someone from the inaugural campaign called to see if I wanted to manage a few hundred volunteers inauguration day.

The pieces are slowly starting to come together and I’m excited about that.

Someone told me to write down what I want to do in 09 so that I can make it happen!

I will:

  • Be a better person overall
  • Have a new job/career that is more fulfilling
  • Move
  • Take care of me better physically and mentally (stick to working out and vegetarianism)
  • Stay on a Budget
  • Shop less
  • Save More
  • Give more (philanthropically and volunteering)
  • Be more open to relationships and get over my fear of commitment so that I can be in a serious relationship (wow that was hard to type lol)
  • Learn the REAL difference between a need and a want
  • Find a plan that works stick with it
  • Take a creative class that is not related to music
  • Be more organized
  • Be more focused
  • Continue to reevaluate friendships and determine who really needs to be a part of my life
  • Stop being so passive
  • Have 45 minutes of complete silence a week
  • Go on at least one retreat that will better me as a person

These aren’t really resolutions but things that I can do to make me better. A lot of them can be done in 2009 some are going to take some work. But starting a year is such a great way to sit and reflect on what I could be doing better to make ME better.

Me in Pictures

{ December 8, 2008 @ 11:42 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I know I’ve been missing. But life has been going on. I’m about to head on a minivacation with family so I’ll probably be back into my updating after I return.

I took this list of questions from a blog I was reading and what you’re supposed to do is pretty simple. First, go to Flickr. Then, go to Big Huge Labs’ mosaic-maker in a second tab in the same window so you can easily switch back & forth. Now you’re going to fill in your answers, then do a photo search in Flickr for each word or phrase. You must then choose one photo from the FIRST PAGE ONLY of your results that most resonates with you and then enter each photo url into the mosaic-maker. Once you finish, hit create and there you have it. (And at any given time, the results can be different based on Flickr photo activity.)

What is your first name? Christen

 What is your favorite food? lobster mac and cheese

 What high school did you go to? Eleanor Roosevelt High School

 What is your favorite color? Purple

 Who is your celebrity crush? Idris Elba

 What is your favorite drink? Chambord and Champagne

 What is your dream vacation? Australia

 What is your favorite dessert? Strawberry Shortcake

 What do you want to do when you grow up? Change Lives

Who/ what do you love most in life? My family

Choose one word that describes you? Complex

Where is your favorite place to be? Ocean

Photo credits
1. DOILY Christening DRESS cards, 2. Lobster Mac ‘n Cheese, 3. Eleanor Roosevelt high school, 4. PURPLE HAZE, 5. idris.elba.10, 6. Chambord and Champagne, 7. ‘So what are you doing this Australia Day ?’, 8. Strawberry shortcake, 9. Imagine… the wall of peace and freedom, 10. My family portrait, 11. Complex Simplicity, 12. Trade Winds – Isla Mujeres, Mexico (Near Cancun)

too comfortable

{ November 14, 2008 @ 12:37 am } · { My Life, Relationships }
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Today has been really interesting for me. I had to step up and be an adult in a situation that I had really gotten comfortable in. I knew things weren’t the way I wanted them to be all along. But it was comfortable. I actually gave the person a second chance because even though I didn’t want to admit it I was comfortable with us and things were working for me at that moment. But then I realized sometimes being comfortable isn’t always the best thing. That comfort put me in some situations that I shouldn’t and didn’t need to be in and also had me questioning some moral things in my life that I knew were just wrong from the start.

Last week before rehearsal we all submitted prayer requests. Mine was that God allowed me to see the people that I needed to have in my life and those that were meant to be gone. I wasn’t quite sure about the person I mentioned above. I really cared for him but sometimes the good things just didn’t carry as much weight as the bad. We actually spent the majority of our weekend together and had a great time. But when we parted something wasn’t right and who knew that was pretty much our it was nice knowing you outing. I really am thankful that I was able to free myself from getting in far too deep and not being able to paddle back out.

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